[sansa has been dreading this--a flicker of color in the corner of her eye as she's sewing, the sound of a jeering crowd, and suddenly her father's death is playing in the display of her omni crystal. she puts her sewing to the side and rushes to the table where it stands, jabbing at it uselessly.]
No--turn it off! Please turn it off!
[but her voice is drowned out by the crowd. she watches helplessly, noticing details she hadn't seen--the crowd jostling her father, the stupid hopeful look on her face, littlefinger watching with a familiar expression (that makes her start)--and some she remembers, like the way her father looked at her before his confession, arya perched on the fountain, someone throwing some kind of rock at his face. she watches her own face rise and fall at joffrey's words, and then it's the stuff of her nightmares (only in them, she takes her father's place...). the young sansa struggles against the arms of ser boros cries for help, begging someone to stop it, stop him. janos slynt throws holds ned stark down and ilyn payne swings at his head. her younger self is dragged off crying and wailing by the kingsguard.
numbly, almost by instinct, her eyes flick to the bottom of the screen. her shoulders sag in relief when she sees sasuke's username.]
[ Sasuke feels like some part of him should have expected a memory like this to show up after all the others blasting over the feed. For Sansa's sake, he's at least glad that this was sent directly to him and not put up for all to see. His jaw clenches slightly at Joffery's speech and there's a twisting in his gut over it all: that familiar feeling that always comes when innocent and good men are killed for treason, when he, an actual terrorist, has been allowed to go free.
Justice feels very lost in the world sometimes.
He ducks his head when her face shows again, his hair falling in front of his eyes as he does so. ]
Mm. After what you've told me of your family, I had no doubt.
I'm sorry that... boy was so heartless. [ Nevermind that Joffery is probably like the same age as he was during his insanity days, he's still not calling him a man, okay. ]
[sansa laughs bitterly. she has called joffrey a king (occasionally a stupid one) several times in order to explain why she's hiding from the queen regent, but it's satisfying to see someone refuse to do it.
and 'heartless' seems almost like an understatement, something she might have called sandor when he was being harsh.]
He was a tyrant. My father found out he was illegitimate and told the old king's brothers.
[and instead of joining forces they had mustered separate armies. she had seen sasuke's memories, though as he made it clear he wasn't interested in talking about them she hadn't commented. but they seemed at odds with the way he had spoken about his brother.]
I wouldn't have blamed him if he had tried to kill Joffrey. I nearly threw him off the ramparts when he showed me my father's head. They would've killed me then, no matter how valuable a hostage I was supposed to be. The man who saved me was a kind of hostage, too. Sometimes I think it was worse for him. I never saw him beaten, but they made him kill. He was the only one who was ever kind to me, back then.
[ It sounds like something that only comes out of fairy tales and he hates that Sansa had to go through such things. But there's a particular phrase that grabs onto him and doesn't let go: I never saw him beaten, but they made him kill. It twists in his gut unpleasantly and he glances away from the feed for a moment because of it. ]
Mm. There are lots of ways to make a person kill without beating them.
[ He thinks of Itachi, all alone, suffering in silence. ]
Sometimes I think the people who are kind are the ones who are seeing the most suffering.
[a sandor, not a gregor, then. that's one small good thing. her mouth tugs to one side, but there isn't a lot of humor in it.]
Sandor never had a chance; his house was sworn to the Queen's. They must have given him to Joffrey for a nameday present. I was the only person he was ever kind to, that I know. [there is the missing little sister. perhaps she was the first little bird.] Well, and my sister, but she seemed very cross about it, when we spoke through the portal. That was her, there, on the fountain.
[arya had blamed him for mycah; sansa had known for some time it was joffrey's fault, just like lady.]
Suffering can make you kind, but it also makes you angry. Sometimes if you're not careful you become angry at the whole world, and you forget to be kind to the people who are suffering like you.
[and sometimes being hurt and angry for too long can corrupt the soul beyond repair, in her world as in this one. she wonders if allen's sword would have been able to save cersei, or lysa arryn.]
[ On the fountain. The girl with the sword who had been stopped on her way to try and do something to save her father. It was the right thing to do, of course, but Sasuke can't help but empathize with the thought. He'd been held back too many times when trying to avenge his own family to not.
Those words hit him like a ton of bricks, though, and it takes him a minute to figure out what to say. It almost seems like he might not say anything at all, even, and he highly debates it. Maybe he ought to run off. GOOD TALK, LADY SANSA, BUT I GOTTA GO.
No, that was a Naruto move. Sasuke's one to just walk off without a word in the past, but he's learned better here. She's been up front and honest with him about her own fears, confessed to lying about her name... He should probably respect her enough to say he's been keeping some rather big things quiet, shouldn't he? ]
My brother couldn't show kindness, despite having a kind heart. The path he was forced on meant he had to seem an enemy to our village. But he kept a kind heart. He was always... thinking of Konoha. Being cruel can be a façade, something... temporary.
[ He likes to think he was thinking of him, too, but maybe that's just a fantasy. Yes, he did it all to save Sasuke, but he'd tortured him to save the village. He's had to accept that.
But that's not the point. He swallows, looking down, the slightest tone of shame in his words. ]
... I was the one who became truly angry at the world. I don't know that you forget others suffer. I ... wanted them to. I wanted the world to hurt as much as I did.
[truth be told what he says about himself sounds more like cersei than anything else, but he speaks in the past tense, as if he's learned better now. sansa nods carefully.]
I can't say that I never felt the same, and I can't say I'm proud of everything I did to survive. I might never have known it was possible, to survive and be kind, if it weren't for my friend the lady Margaery Tyrell. She and her family tried to help me, and everyone said they only wanted an alliance. They did, but they wanted to help people, too. It served them very well. She won over more people with kindness than the Queen Regent ever did with force, or whatever it is she thinks she's doing. Margaery is queen now, and Joffrey's dead, and his mother suffers as I did. I can't say I wasn't glad to see him dead, and it is a comfort to know the Queen Regent feels my pain, but if I am ever to see my home and my family again, on my world, I must be like Lady Margaery and earn the devotion of my allies. And perhaps I can help some people who've suffered as I have while I do it.
[ One thing that Sasuke is learning about these other worlds is that he has no chance of pronouncing so many of the names he hears. Margaery is one he's adding to the list of things he'll probably butcher. Sansa and Arya were much more his pace.
But that's distracting himself from the subject at hand and he knows it. Because he doesn't think he's truly learned. He's afraid of constantly being on the edge of falling apart again, just one more loss away from snapping and killing everyone who's made him prove he's no longer a criminal. ]
My sensei, Kakashi, sounds a lot like your... Lady. [ Nope he's not trying. He trusts her to get he's referencing the woman they're talking about and not her giant wolf. ] He tried to teach me the same. I just didn't know how to listen.
[ There's a beat before he bows his head slightly. ]
You are a better person than I will ever be, Lady Sansa. Even in my attempts towards redemption, I still don't think I've tried to dedicate myself to being kind. I've simply relied on others not knowing how much worse I can be to make allies here.
[her mouth quirks slightly at 'lady.' she understands what he's trying to say, but it's funny, because lady does help her to be...herself, and not alayne stone. she bows her head gracefully at the compliment.]
I want to be good, and kind, and make my father proud. But the truth is, I can be terrible too. I helped a terrible man. He made certain I had no other choice, but--I told you that I liked being Alayne Stone. I could have gone on like that for years, if I hadn't come here. And he wanted to make me like him, I know that now. I think I knew it all along. He wanted a little doll that looked like my mother to play his games with him. Terrible games, that cost people their lives--that cost my mother and father and brother their lives, in the end. I don't only want to be good, I want to be better than him. I want to be better than all of them, because otherwise they will have beaten me. They don't want me to be a Stark of Winterfell, and good and kind and better loved than them, and I can't think of a better revenge than being what they don't want me to be.
[and she can't think of anything worse than becoming like them. but perhaps that's too harsh a sentiment when he's clearly struggling with whatever he's done in the past.]
[ He knows he definitely hasn't changed that much when his gut reaction to her own story makes him want to find whoever tried to make her into such a thing and make them eat their own teeth.
He nods, agreeing that she's chosen the right path. He wishes he had thought the same way when it came to people like Danzo. ]
When you have no other choice, I don't think the actions you take define you. It's when you freely decide to hurt others, to kill them because you want to, that it truly darkens you. I don't see that in you.
[sansa wants to kill littlefinger, too. she plans on it, even. she knows what she'll do if he comes here, and she knows what she'll do if she goes home. he's simply too dangerous to be allowed to exist. some people are. she doesn't think sandor clegane is, and she doesn't think sasuke is either.]
You're right. It's what we do when we have a choice. But Littlefinger was very good at getting people to choose to do what he wanted. That's what made him dangerous, and Lady Margaery too.
It wasn't only that she was kind to me. My parents were kind, and they were killed. It's that I can see now how she does what Cersei and Littlefinger do to beat them at their own stupid game. You don't have to choose between being strong, and being kind. I can use what I learned from what was done to me to help people, and perhaps some good can come of it.
[ He's quiet as he lets himself reflect on her words, a hint of a smile on his face at the end of them. ]
You sound like Sakura.
[ That is so obviously a compliment. Sakura would probably argue she hadn't suffered nearly as much as either of them, but Sasuke doesn't know that that's true. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
DeerNet
accidental video (obvious warnings for ned stark's death, joffrey existing)
No--turn it off! Please turn it off!
[but her voice is drowned out by the crowd. she watches helplessly, noticing details she hadn't seen--the crowd jostling her father, the stupid hopeful look on her face, littlefinger watching with a familiar expression (that makes her start)--and some she remembers, like the way her father looked at her before his confession, arya perched on the fountain, someone throwing some kind of rock at his face. she watches her own face rise and fall at joffrey's words, and then it's the stuff of her nightmares (only in them, she takes her father's place...). the young sansa struggles against the arms of ser boros cries for help, begging someone to stop it, stop him. janos slynt throws holds ned stark down and ilyn payne swings at his head. her younger self is dragged off crying and wailing by the kingsguard.
numbly, almost by instinct, her eyes flick to the bottom of the screen. her shoulders sag in relief when she sees sasuke's username.]
Oh, Sasuke, it's only you.
He never did any of it, you know.
no subject
Justice feels very lost in the world sometimes.
He ducks his head when her face shows again, his hair falling in front of his eyes as he does so. ]
Mm. After what you've told me of your family, I had no doubt.
I'm sorry that... boy was so heartless. [ Nevermind that Joffery is probably like the same age as he was during his insanity days, he's still not calling him a man, okay. ]
no subject
and 'heartless' seems almost like an understatement, something she might have called sandor when he was being harsh.]
He was a tyrant. My father found out he was illegitimate and told the old king's brothers.
[and instead of joining forces they had mustered separate armies. she had seen sasuke's memories, though as he made it clear he wasn't interested in talking about them she hadn't commented. but they seemed at odds with the way he had spoken about his brother.]
I wouldn't have blamed him if he had tried to kill Joffrey. I nearly threw him off the ramparts when he showed me my father's head. They would've killed me then, no matter how valuable a hostage I was supposed to be. The man who saved me was a kind of hostage, too. Sometimes I think it was worse for him. I never saw him beaten, but they made him kill. He was the only one who was ever kind to me, back then.
no subject
Mm. There are lots of ways to make a person kill without beating them.
[ He thinks of Itachi, all alone, suffering in silence. ]
Sometimes I think the people who are kind are the ones who are seeing the most suffering.
no subject
Sandor never had a chance; his house was sworn to the Queen's. They must have given him to Joffrey for a nameday present. I was the only person he was ever kind to, that I know. [there is the missing little sister. perhaps she was the first little bird.] Well, and my sister, but she seemed very cross about it, when we spoke through the portal. That was her, there, on the fountain.
[arya had blamed him for mycah; sansa had known for some time it was joffrey's fault, just like lady.]
Suffering can make you kind, but it also makes you angry. Sometimes if you're not careful you become angry at the whole world, and you forget to be kind to the people who are suffering like you.
[and sometimes being hurt and angry for too long can corrupt the soul beyond repair, in her world as in this one. she wonders if allen's sword would have been able to save cersei, or lysa arryn.]
no subject
Those words hit him like a ton of bricks, though, and it takes him a minute to figure out what to say. It almost seems like he might not say anything at all, even, and he highly debates it. Maybe he ought to run off. GOOD TALK, LADY SANSA, BUT I GOTTA GO.
No, that was a Naruto move. Sasuke's one to just walk off without a word in the past, but he's learned better here. She's been up front and honest with him about her own fears, confessed to lying about her name... He should probably respect her enough to say he's been keeping some rather big things quiet, shouldn't he? ]
My brother couldn't show kindness, despite having a kind heart. The path he was forced on meant he had to seem an enemy to our village. But he kept a kind heart. He was always... thinking of Konoha. Being cruel can be a façade, something... temporary.
[ He likes to think he was thinking of him, too, but maybe that's just a fantasy. Yes, he did it all to save Sasuke, but he'd tortured him to save the village. He's had to accept that.
But that's not the point. He swallows, looking down, the slightest tone of shame in his words. ]
... I was the one who became truly angry at the world. I don't know that you forget others suffer. I ... wanted them to. I wanted the world to hurt as much as I did.
no subject
I can't say that I never felt the same, and I can't say I'm proud of everything I did to survive. I might never have known it was possible, to survive and be kind, if it weren't for my friend the lady Margaery Tyrell. She and her family tried to help me, and everyone said they only wanted an alliance. They did, but they wanted to help people, too. It served them very well. She won over more people with kindness than the Queen Regent ever did with force, or whatever it is she thinks she's doing. Margaery is queen now, and Joffrey's dead, and his mother suffers as I did. I can't say I wasn't glad to see him dead, and it is a comfort to know the Queen Regent feels my pain, but if I am ever to see my home and my family again, on my world, I must be like Lady Margaery and earn the devotion of my allies. And perhaps I can help some people who've suffered as I have while I do it.
no subject
But that's distracting himself from the subject at hand and he knows it. Because he doesn't think he's truly learned. He's afraid of constantly being on the edge of falling apart again, just one more loss away from snapping and killing everyone who's made him prove he's no longer a criminal. ]
My sensei, Kakashi, sounds a lot like your... Lady. [ Nope he's not trying. He trusts her to get he's referencing the woman they're talking about and not her giant wolf. ] He tried to teach me the same. I just didn't know how to listen.
[ There's a beat before he bows his head slightly. ]
You are a better person than I will ever be, Lady Sansa. Even in my attempts towards redemption, I still don't think I've tried to dedicate myself to being kind. I've simply relied on others not knowing how much worse I can be to make allies here.
no subject
I want to be good, and kind, and make my father proud. But the truth is, I can be terrible too. I helped a terrible man. He made certain I had no other choice, but--I told you that I liked being Alayne Stone. I could have gone on like that for years, if I hadn't come here. And he wanted to make me like him, I know that now. I think I knew it all along. He wanted a little doll that looked like my mother to play his games with him. Terrible games, that cost people their lives--that cost my mother and father and brother their lives, in the end. I don't only want to be good, I want to be better than him. I want to be better than all of them, because otherwise they will have beaten me. They don't want me to be a Stark of Winterfell, and good and kind and better loved than them, and I can't think of a better revenge than being what they don't want me to be.
[and she can't think of anything worse than becoming like them. but perhaps that's too harsh a sentiment when he's clearly struggling with whatever he's done in the past.]
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He nods, agreeing that she's chosen the right path. He wishes he had thought the same way when it came to people like Danzo. ]
When you have no other choice, I don't think the actions you take define you. It's when you freely decide to hurt others, to kill them because you want to, that it truly darkens you. I don't see that in you.
no subject
You're right. It's what we do when we have a choice. But Littlefinger was very good at getting people to choose to do what he wanted. That's what made him dangerous, and Lady Margaery too.
It wasn't only that she was kind to me. My parents were kind, and they were killed. It's that I can see now how she does what Cersei and Littlefinger do to beat them at their own stupid game. You don't have to choose between being strong, and being kind. I can use what I learned from what was done to me to help people, and perhaps some good can come of it.
no subject
You sound like Sakura.
[ That is so obviously a compliment. Sakura would probably argue she hadn't suffered nearly as much as either of them, but Sasuke doesn't know that that's true. ]
no subject
Thank you!
[she wonders how sakura would have done in king's landing. she wonders if sakura ever ended up punching the cobra kai man.]
I should like to be half as good as helping people as she is.
[she wants to learn to do what sakura does, but at the same time the thought of it is exhausting.]
no subject
Just make sure you're better about taking care of yourself, too. She lacks that skill most of the time.