[ It was night and they were taking a break. They'd covered a lot of miles since they'd started, and she was pretty tired. More than anything, she'd wanted to stop and rest because there were definitely higher levels of corruption out here and she was concerned about Sasuke.
The woods didn't necessarily concern her. They didn't feel much more threatening than the Forest of Death from their first Chunin exams. The only thing that scared her was that she could tell her abilities weren't as strong out here. Then again, she'd been far weaker back in those days, so perhaps it balanced itself out. ]
There we go. Dinner is served.
[ She offered him over one of the skewers of meat, that she'd roasted over an open flame from the animal that they'd caught earlier. She settled back, next to him and toyed with the makeshift skewer for a moment, not initially taking a bite. ]
[ Sasuke hadn't noticed how quickly the corruption had latched on to him and begun to spread. He supposes that he's never been able to fully rid himself of its power over him, that slight raise in agitation always around the edges of his personality these days. He's so used to being... crabby, that it's hard to miss the early signs.
But he'd been able to tell there was something off when he was getting snappier and shorter in his responses, focusing solely on their mission of looking for wildlife and possible medically helpful vegetation out in the wilderness surrounding Trench. He was more frustrated than he needed to be when he wasn't able to help map the area because it was too difficult to do with one hand, or the fact that he could feel his chakra slipping faster and faster through his fingertips the more they walked.
The sharingan activating against his will had made it impossible to hide that his levels had raised higher and faster than before, but he had tried to wave it off as that being the worst of it. He didn't mention that he could feel the curse mark starting to burn into his skin under his clothes, spreading over his neck and shoulder and down his stump. He made sure to keep his cloak tied tightly around him, even with the blazing heat that had settled in this July.
He takes the meat without a word when she hands it to him, going to take a bite, and using the chewing as an excuse to not answer her for a moment. He thinks about ignoring it all together, but he knows that will raise more flags than if he just lies. ]
[ The mission they'd set up for themselves was certainly proving a success. She'd gathered a variety of plants to bring home to test, and was satisfied with the knowledge they were gaining about the surrounding area. She just hoped the cost wasn't too great.
She sighs when he says that he's fine, knowing damn well that he isn't. She debates on whether to say something. Sakura had learned to be tentative when it came Sasuke and his feelings. She didn't want to anger him, afraid of pushing him away. On the other hand they were getting closer and there were things she felt a stronger right to calling out.
She takes a bite of her own food, chewing it and trying to ignore the gnawing silence of the moment; a silence she's sure he'd rather keep. But she's dealing with her own increase in corruption and that pushes her desire to help him. ]
[ Sasuke's jaw clenches at the question. The part of himself that has worked so hard to change, the part of him that had accepted his love for her and just fallen harder, was screaming at himself for being the way he was. He did want to be honest with her. He had worked so hard in the last 7 months on improving his communication because he wanted to figure out how to be open with her in way she was with no one else.
But those parts of him are so much more heavily silenced when the corruption hits and so instead the idea of being honest makes him bristle. If he was a cat, his tail probably would have puffed right up at the concept.
He still tries to fight through it. Tries to find some way to give a little more honesty, even if it's only a small amount, and delivered harshly. ]
We knew it was a risk when we came out here. I can handle it.
[ At least it's an acknowledgment, and that's something. She nods and then goes quiet for a moment as she takes another couple bites of food. She knows it's hard for him to give even that much. She also knows he's still in denial of how this goes and how quickly it can turn. ]
Yeah. I know. It might be worth it, but we knew it was going to be risk. I figured that if you started down that path, I could just help you.
Sasuke's worst qualities seem to get amplified heavily by his corruption, including the thought that he doesn't deserve help. He rejects it, pushes it away, even when he knows that it's exactly the thing he needs.
He swallows, looking away from her. ]
We don't even know for sure what helps it. Everyone keeps telling me different things.
[ ... Even though those different things all have the same outcome, but he's emotionally an idiot. ]
[ She's well versed in Sasuke's maladaptive coping techniques. She knows that he rejects help even when he needs it and she feels a real determination to push him to do better this time. ]
Well, we have some ideas.
[ She looked over at him, a stubborn look on her face. ]
Joy. Pleasure. Things that make you feel good, connected to others. Everyone's told me the same thing. And isn't that the very thing that helped you last time?
[ Sasuke feels his face heat slightly at the reminder. The kissing had made him calmer, his head clearer. He was even fairly sure it had stopped his powers from malfunctioning at the time.
Yet the aggression from the summer heat and the impacts of his corruption make it hard to just want to give in to something like that. He huffs. ]
How do we know it works the same out here? There's a high risk of beasthood, maybe the corruption can't be lowered.
[ It wasn't often that she actually wanted to pick a fight with Sasuke, but she felt somewhat desperate.
She huffs before taking a deep breath to calm her nerves. ]
You have to try these things. You can't just dismiss everything because you aren't sure it will work. The very fact that you are pulling away from me suggests it's already gotten bad.
[ That hadn't been at all what she'd meant by it, and she can't help but wonder if he's trying to distract from the situation. It does distract her though, it feels like a little too much of a personal dig and it makes her feel a bit irritated. ]
[ That actually catches him off guard for a moment, not having expected her to take it as a comment on her usual character rather than a jab at her current pushiness.
He sees where it could be read that way though and rather than comfort her, he leans in to it to give himself time. ]
[ Sakura knows that she has been pushy with him over the years. She's often felt insecure in his response to that. Much of her pushiness came from a desire to show him that he was loved and cared for, but it often came across wrong. Maybe even a bit, obsessive. Not as much as Naruto, but pushy all the same. It stings to feel like he's calling her out on it, in a negative way. Even if he isn't, she feels insecure about it. ]
Look, if my love is pushy, I'll back off, but right now, I need to see your skin. This is about the corruption, not trying to get you into bed.
[ Sasuke lets out what's almost a growl like sound when she tugs at him, but he catches himself. He doesn't like what he's doing, the way he's treating her... It's too much like the him of Before that he's trying so hard to get away from.
So while he's still tense, he stops fighting, letting her tug his shirt away. ]
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DeerNet
Traveling
The woods didn't necessarily concern her. They didn't feel much more threatening than the Forest of Death from their first Chunin exams. The only thing that scared her was that she could tell her abilities weren't as strong out here. Then again, she'd been far weaker back in those days, so perhaps it balanced itself out. ]
There we go. Dinner is served.
[ She offered him over one of the skewers of meat, that she'd roasted over an open flame from the animal that they'd caught earlier. She settled back, next to him and toyed with the makeshift skewer for a moment, not initially taking a bite. ]
Hey. How you are doing?
no subject
But he'd been able to tell there was something off when he was getting snappier and shorter in his responses, focusing solely on their mission of looking for wildlife and possible medically helpful vegetation out in the wilderness surrounding Trench. He was more frustrated than he needed to be when he wasn't able to help map the area because it was too difficult to do with one hand, or the fact that he could feel his chakra slipping faster and faster through his fingertips the more they walked.
The sharingan activating against his will had made it impossible to hide that his levels had raised higher and faster than before, but he had tried to wave it off as that being the worst of it. He didn't mention that he could feel the curse mark starting to burn into his skin under his clothes, spreading over his neck and shoulder and down his stump. He made sure to keep his cloak tied tightly around him, even with the blazing heat that had settled in this July.
He takes the meat without a word when she hands it to him, going to take a bite, and using the chewing as an excuse to not answer her for a moment. He thinks about ignoring it all together, but he knows that will raise more flags than if he just lies. ]
I'm fine.
no subject
She sighs when he says that he's fine, knowing damn well that he isn't. She debates on whether to say something. Sakura had learned to be tentative when it came Sasuke and his feelings. She didn't want to anger him, afraid of pushing him away. On the other hand they were getting closer and there were things she felt a stronger right to calling out.
She takes a bite of her own food, chewing it and trying to ignore the gnawing silence of the moment; a silence she's sure he'd rather keep. But she's dealing with her own increase in corruption and that pushes her desire to help him. ]
Will you ever be honest with me?
no subject
But those parts of him are so much more heavily silenced when the corruption hits and so instead the idea of being honest makes him bristle. If he was a cat, his tail probably would have puffed right up at the concept.
He still tries to fight through it. Tries to find some way to give a little more honesty, even if it's only a small amount, and delivered harshly. ]
We knew it was a risk when we came out here. I can handle it.
no subject
Yeah. I know. It might be worth it, but we knew it was going to be risk. I figured that if you started down that path, I could just help you.
[ She sets down the skewer and turns to him. ]
So just, please let me help you.
no subject
Sasuke's worst qualities seem to get amplified heavily by his corruption, including the thought that he doesn't deserve help. He rejects it, pushes it away, even when he knows that it's exactly the thing he needs.
He swallows, looking away from her. ]
We don't even know for sure what helps it. Everyone keeps telling me different things.
[ ... Even though those different things all have the same outcome, but he's emotionally an idiot. ]
no subject
Well, we have some ideas.
[ She looked over at him, a stubborn look on her face. ]
Joy. Pleasure. Things that make you feel good, connected to others. Everyone's told me the same thing. And isn't that the very thing that helped you last time?
no subject
Yet the aggression from the summer heat and the impacts of his corruption make it hard to just want to give in to something like that. He huffs. ]
How do we know it works the same out here? There's a high risk of beasthood, maybe the corruption can't be lowered.
no subject
She huffs before taking a deep breath to calm her nerves. ]
You have to try these things. You can't just dismiss everything because you aren't sure it will work. The very fact that you are pulling away from me suggests it's already gotten bad.
[ A thought occurs to her. ]
Let me see your skin.
[ It's not a request. ]
no subject
It gets a huff of a laugh that lacks humor out of him. ]
That's awful forward, even for you.
no subject
[ That hadn't been at all what she'd meant by it, and she can't help but wonder if he's trying to distract from the situation. It does distract her though, it feels like a little too much of a personal dig and it makes her feel a bit irritated. ]
Are you saying I'm too forward?
no subject
He sees where it could be read that way though and rather than comfort her, he leans in to it to give himself time. ]
Hn. If that's how you want to take it.
no subject
Look, if my love is pushy, I'll back off, but right now, I need to see your skin. This is about the corruption, not trying to get you into bed.
no subject
No.
no subject
I'm not asking!
[ She reaches for his shirt. ]
Stop being so stubborn, I'm trying to help you.
no subject
What does taking my shirt off help! You're obviously convinced of what's there already.
no subject
I need to see how bad it is.
no subject
So while he's still tense, he stops fighting, letting her tug his shirt away. ]
It's fine.